Decisions, decisions...

My father had something interesting to say last night.

(That sentence makes it sound like this is a monumental event. It isn't - my father often says interesting things. Most of them have to do with people who lived in our neighborhood 50 years ago whom I never met, but he does say interesting things on other topics as well. Moving on...)

He was watching me pack up my lunch for today, carefully measuring out grapes and low-fat granola, and said, "You know, Weasel (Shut up. That's my nickname in my family. Use it without my permission and I'll cut you.), you were never happier with yourself than when you were going to Farrell's. You used to come home from there with a big smile on your face every morning."

"Yeah," I replied, "and then I collapsed into a giant sweaty heap on the floor..."

But his comment got me thinking. I really did feel great about myself and my body when I was working out at Farrell's regularly, and I was really proud of what I had accomplished and what my body could do. And now I'm wondering - was it the program itself, or just the fact that I was pushing myself and achieving fitness goals I'd never achieved before? Can I do it on my own, or do I need the structure and external motivation of a program/class setting? I'd like to think I could do it on my own (and save myself the program fees and drive time) but I've clearly not been very successful at motivating myself. As I told the Farrell's Altoona manager when I signed up, and he warned me that he was going to push my fitness levels: "Clearly, I'm not having any success at kicking my own butt - I need you to do it for me. " I thought I had made progress past that point, but the past year shows I have not.

So - verdict? Do I head back to Farrell's (once the doc clears me on the 18th, that is) or try to kick my own butt at home? How do I get myself in "butt-kicking mode" without having an instructor and scary 80s music at 6 a.m. each day? :)