Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Same old song...

So, I kinda forgot that I had a blog. Sort of like I kinda forgot that I wanted to lose weight and get into shape.

I have a really short memory.

But I finally *did* remember, thanks to some crazy health issues and the increasing level of tightness in my khakis. So I pulled up this blog, and read through the older entries. And it was a series of post after post reading, essentially, "Oh gee - I fell off the wagon! Oh gee - I never exercise! Hee hee! Isn't that adorable/funny/charming/relatable?"

But it's not. It's a sign of a lack of maturity, a lack of self-control, and a general lack of having all my stuff together as an adult woman should.

Either I have control of my life, my body, my health - or I don't.

And I do.

So, it's back on the Weight Watchers train, and I've joined a running challenge here at work. I'm running 10 miles a week. And by "running" I mean "shuffling along in two-minute increments punctuated with lots of walking and wheezing uncontrollably". Since it's been surface-of-the-sun hot around here lately, I've been doing my running on the elliptical trainer and the resistance settings on that sucker are kicking my tail. I'm looking forward to cooler weather so I can run outside and give myself a break.

(Even though there isn't a level road surface within four miles of my home. I've looked.)

Here we go, kids. There is literally no turning back. I'm 33 years old, and it's either change my life now or pay for my choices for the remainder of the time Jesus allows me to wander around on this earth.

I'm going to need lots of His (and your!) help.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Oh friends, what a month it's been! I was flying pretty high in early December, loving the new Weight Watchers program changes that let me eat all the fruit I want for zero Points values. It's purely psychological, I know, but for some reason when something's "free" I'm going to take more of it. And when it's delicious, fiber-filled fruit my body was SO HAPPY. I was dropping pounds and my digestive system was humming along like a UNI Men's Glee Club member at the Christmas Show. :)

I started the Couch to 5K training program, and by the middle of week two was really enjoying myself. I had just started to think of myself as "a runner" when I went BAM. Literally - in the parking lot of my office last Monday, on a patch of ice, and I hyper-extended my left knee again. I've done this twice since I injured it in 2007 at my brother's wedding, dancing with a drunk groomsman. That's an occupational hazard for bridesmaids that no one ever warns you about!

Finally went to see my family doctor yesterday, after a week of hobbling around and trying various knee braces, and the news was OK. The x-rays showed no damage to the knee joint, and the tendons surrounding it appear to be intact. The doctor thinks I pulled the quadriceps tendon around the knee, and nothing but rest, ice, elevation, and a healthy dose of anti-inflammatory drugs will do the trick. If it's not better in two weeks, I'm supposed to go back for an MRI to see if the tendons have been torn or otherwise damaged.

So what have I done? I've been cushioning my injured knee with a steady diet of chocolate and red wine, accompanied by massive amounts of Chinese food. Sensible, no? I'm afraid to even go NEAR the scale - not that I could, since getting on the scale requires that I balance myself on one leg, which I can't do right now. Blar.

So, we begin again the slow process of climbing back onto the wagon. Seriously - I've been farting around with this since August, and just when I get on what feels like a good track something happens to throw me off again. Granted, I tend to make it easier to get myself throw off by jumping off the wagon into piles of Chinese food. I'm a VERY slow learner.

So, the plan for 2011? For the first two weeks of it, anyway? Try to hobble down to the basement "gym" every day for a session with the punching bag and/or resistance bands, and laying off the Chinese food for a while. I make no promises about the red wine, however. :)

Happy New Year, friends! May our year be merry and bright - and injury-free! :)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Talking turkey

Isn't everyone today? But I really don't care about turkey - take it, leave it, not dark meat (ever!) - so tomorrow's centerpiece just doesn't do much for me. It's the side dishes, friends - THE SIDES. Scalloped corn, cranberry relish, cranberry salads (not the cranberry jelly that actually still tastes like the can), pumpkin pie, and dinner rolls, dinner rolls, dinner rolls. I've never met a carbohydrate I didn't like, so tomorrow will be like nirvana for me.

I have plans to work out first thing tomorrow morning, before heading to my aunt's house to help her with her banking, then heading to ANOTHER aunt's house for the annual feast. Let's see if those plans actually come to fruition. Check back and see if I did it!

I'm trying (inspired by my fellow weight-loss blogger Sarah) to come up with a fun challenge to do in 2011. Sarah's been baking her way through The Bread Bakers Apprentice, but my aforementioned carb addiction makes me afraid to do that. I love this site - GreenLiteBites - so maybe challenging myself to make a new recipe (or three!) from that site each week will help? I need to get much better at planning and preparing healthy meals, rather than defaulting to whatever is in the pantry or on my way home from work.

Additional inspiration for weight loss - Sarah's getting married! My goal is to be the second-hottest woman at her wedding; Sarah being the first. :) She hasn't set a wedding date yet, but I'm telling myself she's getting married in April so I can kick it into gear.

Oh yeah - the scale. I'm up about 1.5 pounds this week, which isn't bad considering that I haven't really tracked anything this week. And that ain't likely to start again anytime soon. But I can't just coast through the holidays, as tempting as that might be - after all, Gerard Butler is waiting for me in Dublin and I can't run the risk of my squishy bottom lapping over the bar stool in the pub and scaring him away. Yep, my fantasy life is almost as rich as my dessert preferences.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


So, I'm slowly climbing back on the wagon. I haven't done much by way of exercise this week, but the scale this morning showed I'm down 3 pounds from last week. I love it when the Weight Watchers site gives me those "you're losing weight too fast" notices from week to week. Yeah, not so much. :) I'm down 8.2 pounds since I started the program at the end of August, which gives me an average loss of 0.8 pounds a week - totally healthy, and PAINFULLY slow. Oh well.

I leave for my birthday trip to Dublin on Feb. 15 - that's 90 days, or just under 13 weeks from now. Averaging 1 pound per week, I could be down 20 pounds before I go. That's less than I'd like to be, but I'll take anything right about now. I had a dream the other night that I met up with a Gerard Butler look-a-like in Dublin, and if that isn't motivation to keep losing weight I don't know what is. :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Scenes from my morning

Editor's note: Every thing in this post actually happened this morning. NOTHING has been embellished. Even I couldn't make this stuff up.

5:30 a.m. – Alarm begins blaring across the room. Fall out of bed (literally: roll over too close to the edge, slide out of bed and land on backside) and stumble over to turn off alarm. Head back to bed “for just a few minutes” because it’s cold and dark out here. Vaguely remember setting alarm for this unholy hour so you could get in kickboxing workout this morning, as brother’s birthday party is tonight.

7:26 a.m. – roll over and look at clock. Realize you must leave by 8 a.m. to get to work on time, and your unshowered state cannot continue. Run to bathroom.

7:46 a.m. – Showered. Teeth brushed. Now moisturizing all parts of face and neck that you are terrified will begin sagging soon, making you look like a shar-pei dog without the cuteness factor. Carefully pat eye cream around eyes to take away puffiness.

7:48 a.m. – Realize that application of eye cream has irritated left contact lens, and now feels like a railroad tie is lodged between contact lens and eyeball. Begin squinting and blinking furiously. Getting worse. Hop around bathroom, chanting "Ow ow ow!" Finally remove, rinse, and reinsert contact and realize all this has completely counteracted application of eye cream. Left eye now bloodshot, giving you the appearance of having been on an all-night Johnny Walker bender. Very professional.

8:03 a.m. – Remove new tights from package, realize they have a snag. Thanks, Target. Gamble that snag will be hidden under knee-high boots. Gamble pays off. Spend four minutes coaxing faux-leather knee-high boots to zip over your calves, which are roughly the size of Christmas hams. Are successful, but now rather sweaty. Sacrifices must be made for fashion.

8:16 a.m. – Climb into car, snagging hem of long skirt on heel of faux-leather boots. Manage not to slam head against steering wheel while removing boot heel from hem. Fortunate, as head wounds would enhance Johnny Walker bender appearance.

8:28 a.m. – Hear the song “Jesse’s Girl” on radio, making you think of that jerk you dated five years ago named Jesse, who made you really like him then decided he’d rather date the woman who set you up with him. Try not to cry. Remember he's now married to that woman. Try harder not to cry. Long desperately for chocolate. Or Swedish Fish. Possibly both.

8:42 a.m. – Arrive at work. Find small container of Swedish Fish in desk. Remember stash of chocolate VitaTops in work freezer (100 calories and SO GOOD). Salvation. Remember brother's birthday party is tonight, complete with fantastic freaky family and adorable niece.

Gonna be an all right day.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Hear that?

That strange sound? It's kinda like... "WHOMP...thumpa...thumpa...thumpa..."

That was me, falling off the wagon and landing in a giant pile of Chinese food and Tootsie Rolls, then bouncing. Halloween was NOT good to me. Strike that - Halloween was VERY good, but not for my weight loss efforts. I pretty much went off the rails until this past weekend, eating any and everything that crossed my path. And that path seemed to intersect with lots of mini Three Musketeers bars.

So - onward. :)

Sunday I walked the Iowa State Fairgrounds 5K with Sarah Jane. Sarah is an awesome walking partner, and cheered me on as we chugged up the hills through the Fair Campgrounds. Thank you, Sarah, for keeping me going while I sucked wind like a defective balloon. I am still feeling those hills in my quadriceps today.

Have I mentioned how much I love the Fair and the Fairgrounds? That place and the events that happen there are some of the main drivers (besides my fantastically freaky family) for my still being in Iowa. Sure, there's an apparent dearth of tall, single men in their 30s who love Jesus, and airfares out of Des Moines to anywhere cool are (for the most part) ridiculous - but WE HAVE THE FAIR! Hands up if you agree with me...

The Fairgrounds 5K was a great event, with fantastic November weather. It was neat to see the Fairgrounds without the crush of mullet/tank top-sporting people packing the streets. There are some beautiful green spaces there that you usually can't see during the Fair because they're packed with caramel apple stands - which are also beautiful, but in a different way. The helpful signs at the mile markers told us when we'd burned off a bag of cotton candy, then a caramel apple (thereby extracting most of the enjoyment out of them for me), and finally a corn dog at the three-mile mark. Not helpful, Iowa State Fair people, if you want to keep your corn dog sales numbers increasing. :) Nevertheless, I had a blast and will be back for next year's event - but probably won't be sporting a swimsuit entirely covered in State Fair ribbons like one participant. A brave woman, she.

Now Sarah and I are looking for more race events in the coming months. Next up - the Jingle Jog at Gray's Lake in December, then the YMCA's Red Flannel Run in February. We will have quite an impressive collection of brightly-colored long-sleeve t-shirts by spring.

I also hit (quite literally) the kickboxing hard last night. I could only make it about 25 minutes, but they were a good 25 minutes. Sunday's walk really highlighted how far out of shape I'd gotten. Sarah made me feel better by pointing out that Sunday was the first really strenuous exercise I'd done in about eight weeks, and I was feeling it. Now it's time to claw my way back, and I started last night with a great session of bag work and some push-ups/sit-ups. I can still do full-on sit-ups, which is a point of pride for me. I am woman, watch me struggle to hoist myself into a sitting position!

Oh, yeah - the scale. I am up two pounds from my post-Vegas weight, which means I've gone back up about four pounds since the end of September. Easy come, not-so-easy go. But they'll go - until I fall off the wagon into a vat of Christmas cookies. :)

Thursday, October 28, 2010


I got back from Vegas on Monday night, and am scared to get on the scale. Yes, I - a 32-year-old, 5'10" woman - am scared of a contraption made of metal and elaborate pully-weights-thingies.

I don't know why I'm so scared - I didn't go crazy eating-wise in Vegas (we didn't have time!). Yes, I probably had more McDonald's breakfast sandwiches than I should have (sausage is my drug), but I had to walk about half a mile from my hotel room to get them. And I was usually either pushing the stroller or toting my 30-pound niece as I walked. My big indulgence of the weekend was the overpriced margarita from Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville on The Strip - but it was so stinkin' good it was worth it. And, again, we'd walked at least half a mile to get it.

So, even if I did gain weight, it probably won't be as bad as I thought. So why am I so afraid? Because I know me and my fatalistic, all-or-nothing way of thinking. If I have a big gain now, it will likely knock me off track for another several months. I'll fall off the wagon HARD again, and heaven knows when I'll pick myself back up. It's far too easy to go back to all-coffee-and-Swedish-Fish, all the time.

So, I'm easing myself back into routine, tracking Points, drinking lots of hot water with decaf tea, and waiting until Monday to get back on the scale. I'm hoping I won't have lost any ground at that point - and that I'll have enough energy to get up early enough to actually brave the basement stairs and get ON the scale.